Man refuses to divorce his wife after girlfriend gives him an ultimatum, 'I was honest from the start.' AITA? (2024)

Now to my problem. I have been very honest with my gf that it wouldn’t be any marriage. Now after 5 years together she is accusing me of wasting her life and is giving me an ultimatum.

She has gotten a nice diamond ring from me and she was very happy about it because she wanted us to have rings to mark that we aren’t available and loved each other. But, she knew it was not going further. But since she got the ring she has been very angry and saying that I was leading her on.

I feel very guilty and I doubt myself but I have never lied to her once. I feel bad, but I never promised marriage. AITA for not wanting to get married? AITA for “leading her on?"

See Also

Woman issues ultimatum to husband; 'You have two choices. Divorce me or become a SAHD.' AITA? UPDATED 2X + RESPONSE FROM HUSBAND'AITA for wanting to divorce my husband because he's unemployed even though money isn't an issue?''My wife wants a divorce but is angry that I’m moving out. AITA?' UPDATEDI asked my husband for a divorce because of this weird habit

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ProfPlumDidIt said:

NTA. Be blunt with her: "I made it clear from the beginning that I would never divorce my wife or marry you. That has not changed and will NEVER change, no matter what. If that is no longer okay with you, then we need to go our separate ways as our future goals no longer align."

Winter_Art6528 said:

NTA. You're married. The GF knew marriage was off the table. You weren't leading her on. If she's upset, it is because she was lying to herself and thought she could change the situation you clearly laid out for her as unchangeable.

If she doesn't want the relationship you're willing to give her, she should leave, not blame you and expect you to change. Whatever years she put in were clearly invested under pretenses that you did not agree to.

Open-Incident-3601 said:

NTA for the girlfriend’s reaction. Possibly TA if your girlfriend isn’t aware that your wife is still the love of your life.

dropaheartbeat said:

YTA. You didn't lie, and you were clear but you're still prioritizing your ex over your partner and that's wrong. It's been years, it's reasonable for her to expect you'll some day move on and choose her.

It's also not right you'd enter into a new relationship with the old one continuing. You've sent mixed messages and treated your girlfriend less than she deserves. She's put up with it until now having faith you'd do the right thing and you've let her down.

Own_One_3807 said:

YTA. You are married but just for exploiting financial benefits. This in itself to me is morally not acceptable. You feel bad for cheating originally, ok, get it, but after 7 years your wife should be able to stand on her own feet.

If you want to punish yourself, thats on you, but in the end you punish your children and your girlfriend and make everyone else pay for your mistake, emotionally and literally. You leave your girlfriend hanging at arms length, you do not deserver her and your girlfriend should leave you and you should stay alone until you are finally grown up.

mentalengineer13 said:

YTA. Let her go. You're obviously a dead end for her. She loves you, so she was hoping you'd eventually love her back enough. Sure. She shouldn't have assumed, but she did.

You knew you would always be a dead end for her. She shouldn't have to have an empty, nothing, dead, unfulfilling life just because you f-ed up yours. She shouldn't have to live in your "dismal," atonement hell with you just so that you won't be lonely.

She didn't make the mistake, she should be living a happy life with her husband. Someone that will call HER the LOVE OF HIS LIFE. This is so sad.